this morning's musings
Last night I got a call from a friend of mine who, as best I can gather, was drinking and arguing with his wife. I'm going to chalk it up to the alcohol, but he was talking a lot about ending his marriage to be happy. That he wanted to wake up happy and go to sleep happy. It was a hard conversation to have, because while I wanted to be supportive and not discount what he felt, I also wanted him to see that the solutions he was proposing were a little extreme, remind him that he loved his wife, and encourage him to work on finding happiness in his marriage.
The conversations, verbal and e-mail, that I have with friends (both old real-life friends and new blog friends) about them considering ending their marriages causes me much more pain than the end of my own did. I know my own issues were Spring Thomas
. I did not make any decisions until it became clear that there was only one decision to be made. I am happier alone than I was in my marriage, so I made a good decision. One day I hope I will be happier with someone than I am alone.
But the concept scares me a little. I realized in my conversation last night with my friend what it must have sounded like to be on the other end of my conversations during the past year or more. He too was talking about finding someone to be happy with, and that's a big part of my search. But I know him well, and I know that he's never very happy with anyone for too long. I wondered if I'm the same way.
It made me think of an Indigo Girls song, Romeo and Juliet. I had to dig out the cassette tape and go to the Boy Child's room and listen to it. The premise of the song (lyrics are here), as best as I understand them, is that instead of the tragic dying-for-love ending, they stayed alive, and Juliet moved on while Romeo stayed in the See Her Squirt
. I wonder about these examples of "true love" from fiction which we hold up as ideals. If I fall in love, if I find someone to love me like Romeo loved Juliet, what happens if I try to make a life with him? Will it end in heartache too?
So many of us fear that and then we choose our spouses through common sense and find ourselves unfulfilled, unhappy later. But to choose a spouse for love, are you blind to your differences, thinking love can overcome them? Is it ever possible to fall in love with someone who also makes sense for you practically? Or do I love (as I fear I do) because the object of my love mystifies me, is so different from me, is all the things I could never be? Do I put him on a pedestal from which he can only fall and disappoint me? Would I be the same object of idolatry to someone else?
I despair of being able to mix idealism and realism in a love match. I see examples of marriages built on love and others built on reality fall around me all the time. I don't know the true reasons why my friend is so unhappy in his marriage, since his wife is not a confidante of mine, and I know only his point of view (and very little of that, even). But I still fear for making mistakes I know nothing of.
I had all these thoughts on my mind, as well as the sad lyrics of Romeo and Juliet, as I left for work this morning, and decided I needed to cheer up. So I popped in the CD from one of my favorite musicals, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor dreamcoat, and started singing at the top of my lungs like a fool. It made me happy. I thought about how Joseph had faith in God that his life would turn out well, no matter how many hardships he encountered. But God came to him in his dreams and he could have that faith. I never wanted to place much reliance on Faith that my life would work out. But I think having Faith, together with my own responsibilities to make wise choices and take opportunities when presented, will hopefully ensure my
future happiness.Just my thoughts of this morning. Don't worry, Half-Nekkid Thursday's photo is on its way.